"Step one, you say, 'We need to talk...'" [with chillfactor]

[screamslikebanshee]

Sean had been good and mad for a couple of days now. He hadn't even slept in the room he was sharing with Bobby these days the last two nights, instead opting to sleep in one of the unoccupied guest rooms. It was probably the worst fight he and Bobby had ever had, and they hadn't even really fought all that much, aside from when Bobby was drunk. Sean had, instead, locked himself into passive-aggressive bitch mode with a side of silent treatment, and Bobby was pretty much left wondering what had even been said, because Sean wouldn't even tell him that much.

But after another night of sleeping alone, Sean was feeling altogether fed up with it. The words of his friends from the day before were sinking into his mind and heart, and he knew without a doubt that he had to go talk to Bobby -- Bobby, who, at five AM, was probably still asleep, but this couldn't wait anymore. He made his way stealthily down the hall, not wanting to wake any of his teammates, though from the sounds of things as he passed Warren and John's room, some of them were still awake. And when he reached the door to his own room, he balked just a little. But a deep steadying breath was all he allowed himself before he reached out to gently knock on the door, hoping like hell that Bobby wouldn't tell him to go fuck himself.

Comments

[chillfactor]

"Because I was worried I wasn't good enough for you!" Bobby fired back, and there was a mix of anger and sheer hurt behind his snappish response. He was usually a good guy, laid back and chill (pardon the pun) but he could have a quickfire temper on him when he was defensive. He knew that his powers, in comparison to a lot of the others, were pretty average and boring. So Rogue's vanilla comment along with Warren and John calling him Elsa (because, let's be real, he really did have the same friggen powers as a Disney princess), his ego had taken a bit of a beating and he was self-conscious. He hated himself for it, but that was how he had been feeling lately. He had even been questioning his position on the team, whether he offered any real value in their battles.

He shook his head and shot Sean a glare. "Why the fuck were you trying to reason with me when I was that drunk? Hey, you used to love people too, you know! Do you see me accusing you of still being in love with them? Things ended with Rogue ages ago. And you know why? Because she never fully loved me. She's always been in love with Remy. She got bored of me, I wasn't enough for her. Things ending with her was enough to make me feel like I was boring and not good enough. Then you came along, and I never once felt like that. At least, not until now."

[screamslikebanshee]

"When have I ever once made you feel like you weren't good enough for me?!" Sean replied, trying like hell to make Bobby understand why this had hit him so damn hard. "Bobby, I love you. You're not... You're not vanilla to me, and you're not boring or plain or not good enough. You are everything I ever wanted, and I never gave a damn what anyone else thought of you. To me, you were amazing. I didn't think you questioned that with me. And then there you were telling me how Rogue said this and that and the other thing, and I couldn't get you to focus on anything but what Rogue thought!" Sean had a fiery hot temper himself, but as much as it kept coming out in flashes, he genuinely didn't want to fight with Bobby. That was the whole point of this conversation -- to figure things out and stop fucking fighting. But here they were fighting, and he didn't know how to make it stop.

"Because it hurt like hell for you to ask me what was wrong with me and why I'd want someone like you. I know you were drunk, Bobby, but what you say when you're drunk is usually what you think when you're sober, but can't get your courage up to say. It just felt like what Rogue said meant more than what I said. And I know we're not each other's first loves. I didn't ask to be your first. But I never throw my wife's opinion of things about me into our conversations. She's gone. She was my first love, but you... You're the one I want to be my last, and the only person whose opinion of me as a lover or a boyfriend matters? Is you. You've always been more than just good enough, Bobby. I love you like crazy, and I don't want us to be about what anybody else thinks." He wasn't trying to talk so much, but once he'd started, it had all rushed out before he even got a chance to stop for air.

[chillfactor]

Bobby actually almost growled in frustration. "Never! But that doesn't negate my own personal insecurities, which I was under the impression you're supposed to support each other through when you're in a relationship!" In fact, this was one of the prime factors in the breakdown of his relationship with Rogue. They both had a lot of insecurities at the time and it wasn't a firm foundation for a relationship. She was scared of hurting him with her touch, he was worried he wasn't good enough for her in the wake of Remy. It got messy, but luckily they had remained friends after their breakup, and close friends at that.

"Well, I'm sorry I can't pre-empt how my insecurities are going to hurt you or not! I'm not the friggen telepath around here! It's not what I think when I'm sober at all, though this past week? Yeah, totally thought it. Over and over again until I thought I was going mad! What Rogue said did mean a lot, because I was offended and I was hurt, and it made me starting doubting myself all over again. Then you were in a constant bitch fit and wouldn't talk to me, so how the hell was I supposed to even know how to fix it? I can't believe you took all that and translated it into me still being in love with her when you now how crap the relationship ultimately made me feel. It didn't work, we weren't meant for each other! Goddamnit," he finally mumbled, losing his steam as he went over to the window and rested his hands on the sill, looking out over the sprawling grounds of the mansion.

[screamslikebanshee]

Bobby's words hit Sean like a one-two punch in the gut, and he stood up from the bed to follow his boyfriend over to the window. "I've always tried to support you... and you've always supported me, whether I was right or wrong," Sean replied, his tone quiet now... calmer, but still hurt. "I didn't ask you that because I wanted a fight. I just... I wanted to know, because that's how it came across to me -- like her opinion was more important than anything. I love you, Bobby. I don't want to fight with you, and I certainly don't want us to break up over this. I just needed to ask. And maybe that's me being insecure."

"No... No, babe. I'm sorry. I should've known better than to hold you to some sort of weird higher standard when you were drinking. I just... I don't want anyone to make you doubt yourself, and when they did, I took it the wrong way. I don't want to fight anymore, Bobby. I want to fix this, because I love you and that's the whole damn point. I..." He paused, realizing how much he was focusing on what he wanted and he thought right now instead of showing Bobby that he loved him and focusing on how Bobby felt. "You're right, babe. When you were upset, it should've been my first response to try and focus on what you were saying and figure out where it was coming from. I took it personally instead. You... You've got nothing to be insecure about, you know. You're an amazing lover, an even more amazing person. You make me incredibly happy, and you're a valuable member of this team. You get teased, sure, but we all tease each other. That doesn't mean anyone thinks you don't deserve to be part of the team, and it doesn't mean that you're not a great boyfriend and lover, either." He paused, swallowing hard. "Bobby, can we fix this?"

[chillfactor]

"I was drunk," Bobby reminded Sean, his words tight as he kept looking out over the expansive grounds. It wasn't to excuse anything, but it was at least an unbalanced argument because everyone was victim of doing or saying stupid shit when they were drunk, and a lot were guilty of doing or saying it, and not remembering it. "How is it being supportive to hold something against me that I don't even remember? The only reason I even know is because other people told me. Other people, Sean. Not you. If you're insecure about that, what the fuck are we even doing here?"

He was just tired. He had never been a morning person, so that was a downside, but these days on end in an argument that wasn't even really an argument had been exhausting. More exhausting than three days straight in a mutant battle. He rested his forehead against the glass. He didn't know whether to feel hurt, or angry, or regretful, or just plain give up on it all. Maybe it had been doomed from the start? He never wanted to think like that, but it was hard not to right now. The track record for mutants going long-term in successful relationships wasn't that promising. "I don't get how you can think I'm still in love with her when I was barely even happy with her, when I haven't once thought about anything like that between her and me since we got together. Rogue and me? We barely slept together. I'm serious. I can count on one hand the amount of friggen times we did, and most of those times there was this constant fear of what her powers could do. Was I vanilla in bed with her? Yes, I fucking was, because if anything ever happened, I didn't want her carrying it around on her conscience that she hurt me. So I held back. A lot. You can't tell her any of this, I never fucking told her. I don't know if we can fix it. I don't know anything anymore."